Intimate O(pi)nions

Posts Tagged ‘profile’

I didn’t mean to sound negative there. Let me explain.

Often, I think when we fill out profiles, we’re thinking about all the possible ways people may think bad of us if we say this or say that, and we might feel tempted to embellish the truth or put a spin on the truth. However, there’s really no need to do this, because there is ALWAYS a negative aspect to everything you could possibly think of to write, if the reader is the type of a person that ALWAYS sees the negative in everything. Let me give you an example. Fill in the income-form, and you can work too much, not work enough, or be a colourless average Joe. If you don’t fill out the form, you are either out of job or secretive. The mere filling out the form might be considered materialistic, or that you expect to support your wife and kids, and therefore have values from the 50’s, expecting your wife to do all the housework and raise the kids and not have a career herself. See what I mean? There’s no way to appear in a positive light if someone wants to see you in the negative.

But why would anyone want to? The simple reason: They are in the mindset that they will not find someone good enough. That is just not the type of future they can realistically see for themselves. They believe that they are doomed to being alone or in a bad relationship, and therefore there has to be something wrong with your profile to justify not contacting you or not responding to your email. They see it as foolish “falling for your bullshit” if they contact you, and therefore, the only option is to decide you’re full of it and not find out for sure. Trust me, this says more about them than what it says about you.

What is there for you to do? Just the same as I always say: Just be honest. That way, you will attract the right person when she or he reads your profile, someone who hasn’t got a pre-decided view on you as they land on your profile. Someone who is capable of positive thinking and believing good about other people. Isn’t that what you want anyway?

Popularity: 8% [?]

Lets face it. Men often go to online dating sites looking for sex. Girls don’t, not as often anyway. So how do you get online girls to sleep with you? The answer: Some of them, you cannot. Some you can, and the way to do it, is to be honest with them about what you want.

There are 3 types of girls on dating sites:
1) Those who won’t sleep with you until they know you genuinely love them. There is absolutely no point for you to try to win them over because for what you are after, they are too much trouble. (Majority group in the US, Muslim and Catholic countries, where ever religion is strongly present. Affects even those who are not religious due to cultural values.)
2) Those who are primarily looking for love, but don’t mind having a bit of casual while waiting for their prince. (Majority group in Europe, especially Northern Europe. Good to know if you want cyber sex.)
3) Those who are just after sex like you are. (Minority group everywhere.)

You are targeting the groups 2 and 3.

In your profile, write that you’re really only looking for sex. Girls who will not consider it, will skip your add and go to the next one, but that’s alright, you couldn’t have talked them into it anyway. The girls who are not very conservative but more sexual in nature, will read on and find out what are your circumstances, why you’re just looking for sex and if that suits their situation. I’ll tell you a couple of stories of when I was single. I was mainly looking for real love, but I wasn’t the type to save it for marriage, I belonged to the second group:

I once replied to a guy who was blatantly looking to hook up only. I was in a phase of my life that I had no real qualms about meeting a hot police officer for a bit of fun and play, and that was exactly what we did for a couple of months, until I met someone I was interested in in a more deep level. Then I just texted him that heya mate, had fun, time to move on, good luck in the future. No mess, we both were on the same page and it worked beautifully. I don’t think his add even had a photo on it, but I went on a date to decide if I wanted anything out of it. Quite honestly I’m not even sure he was actually a police man, but he certainly had the build for it and if he was or not didn’t really matter in that situation. (However I do believe he was the real deal, as he never acted out of character. I didn’t check his badge or anything. )

The reason why I’m sharing this is that it really pays off to be honest. What ever you’re after there’ll be someone that will go for it. If he would have pretended to be after love and then ask me for sex, I would have just told him to go fuck himself, no chance in hell he would have succeeded. Or, if he would have then changed his mind and wanted a relationship, no way! That would have ended everything as well.

Tell you another example. I knew this super hot black boxer guy (in the real life), who I had drooled over for years. I finally hooked up with him once and then about a week later he texted me that he had computer problems and maybe I could help him with it. He opened the door in his underwear, and told me his computer was fine. I was so not in the mood because I had come over to fix his computer, not his other problems and I became very annoyed and told him that the next time he wants sex, just say so and I simply left. I never met him again and all his magic had disappeared.

When you are looking to hook up for sex only, you can lie about things like your profession. It really doesn’t matter if you’re not a cop, if you can pull off the role well enough, and be prepared to give some valid advice on when to call a cop or something. Girls will argue in the comments that they don’t want fake cops. Of course they don’t, but you can create a bit of a fantasy and if you can deliver I see no problem with it. However, there’s absolutely no NEED to do that to get laid.

What you want to do writing your profile, is to sound like a fun guy, who is safe to hang out with, who has a good head on his shoulders, and isn’t too creepy. You can’t sound like you’re riddled with guilt doing that, but you’ll have to sound like what you’re dong is fine in your books and you want to find a girl who is fine with that as well. I will NOT tell you how to do all that, because if you can’t then probably I don’t want to advice you on how to deceive girls. I’m mentioning it so that you will know that it matters what you write and how you write it, more even than what it matters on a “normal” dating profile. Girls will forgive flaws of men that they love, but they will not forgive flaws of men they sleep with. Men work the opposite way. If you don’t have success, that’s where I would look for the reason.

You don’t have to post your face on this type of profile, a good body shot will do fine – girls will understand – but never ever post a photo of your private parts. Trust me, that would be a bad idea! When you have a private connection with someone, you should email the photo of your face at that point, it creates trust. Better yet, have a web cam -conversation with her. Also, call her on the phone before meeting up, if nothing but to set up where to meet her, and always meet her on a public place first, that is again creating trust.

If you are looking for a kink-partner, go to an appropriate website, obviously, and again, be honest. When it comes to kink though, you really have to be 100% honest about everything. If you don’t reveal a detail that’s fine (unless the detail happens to be that you’re actually married or in a relationship) but don’t lie. It is also an option for you to find an “adult dating site” which are created for this exact use. Be aware though that these sites have a lot of “professionals” on them, so be suspicious if an unusually gorgeous girl is approaching you.

Why you should leave the Group 1 alone

First, they don’t want to have anything to do with you. They think you’re a creep and waste of oxygen. They will not change their minds.
Secondly, although it is possible for you to fool them into having sex with you, it usually takes a lot of time and effort, and sometimes money to get there. Often it’s really not worth it, because they want to validate your love for one another, while you just want to fuck her silly. That is not to say that they wouldn’t fuck you silly if the relationship goes on, but that requires some real emotions from you.
Thirdly, they know the game you’re playing already. You might be able to fool a 16-year old, but when they’re past 20, they’re so over you and your type. I know you don’t mind a 16-year old, but make note that they do come with a legal protection in this area.
You are after easy sex, right? If not, you’re just being emotional.

To recap, girls weren’t born yesterday either. Apart from the ones that were, obviously. They can see through bullshit a lot better than you can, and they have OPTIONS. They don’t HAVE to sleep with you even though they didn’t want anything else from a guy, because a quality chick can ALWAYS get laid when she wants to. So don’t waste your time bugging girls who are not interested in casual sex, but put your energy into creating a quality profile for yourself and let them come to you. A quality chick wouldn’t write a sex only ad on a dating site, but she might just contact you for it if you have presented yourself well enough. The best thing you can really pull an advantage over the average Joe is by being honest about what you want. There ARE girls just as sexual as you are, you just have to make yourself available and intriguing option for them.

Popularity: 13% [?]

I have previously told you to put your photo up on your dating profile, no matter what you look like. What you look like is only one aspect of it, so let’s think about the kind of photo you should try to get or find.

1. Pick a current photo

Don’t use a photo that was taken 10 years or 20 kilos ago, even if you looked better then. Take a new photo!

2. Select one that shows the real you

If you never put on make up or wear a biker jacket, don’t take a photo in which you do. Good option is to take a photo before you’re going out and still getting ready by yourself or with your friends, that’s when you’re presentable and hopefully on a good mood! Go through the photos of you on Facebook and see if a friend has managed to capture the best of you on camera. A word of warning though. Don’t use a photo that shows you obviously drunk. It’s not a good look.

3. Do not bother taking a super model -quality photo

You can take a photo with a professional photographer, as long as they understand this is not a glamour shot. If a photo is too good, like ripped straight out of a magazine -good, people will think it’s a fake photo and not contact you thinking that you want to sell them a membership to an adult website. If you are really good with Photoshop, don’t fix the photo with every trick you’ve got up in your sleeve, just adjust the colour balance, lighting and the basic stuff, maybe remove a blazing red pimple of your face and remove red eyes, but that’s it!

4. Don’t include your friends

This is one time when you don’t want your friends around you! Especially you don’t want an ex in your photo, that goes without saying. I wouldn’t even do a blank-out-the-friends -edit, it’s kind of tacky, but then again, if you really cannot handle a camera without your friends, maybe you have to. I’m sure there will be members of the opposite sex who symphatise, but remember to mention the fact you don’t like being photographed on your profile!

5. Ask your friends

What you do need your friends for is to a) take the photo and b) pick the photo for you, if you are unsure. For best results, if you want to find a girl, ask your female friends, and if you want to find a guy, ask your male friends. Often we do have an odd idea what the opposite sex wants of us, so it’s safer to go by their opinion. They can also help you to find the photo that looks the most natural and “like you”. Obviously you won’t have much of a clue about it. Related to this, I had one photo of me that I really didn’t like at all, but everyone kept saying what a lovely photo it was. I never used it on my dating profile because I didn’t like it, but it probably would have been a good idea on a hind sight.

If you do take a photo yourself, use the camera timer, and rather not take the photo from your arms length or especially not through the mirror. Most cameras have a self timer function that is fairly easy to use. Consult your manual if necessary.

Example

I have included a photo of myself on this post. If I was creating a profile now, and that photo was recent, I would probably go with that one. One reason is that it is rare that I’m smiling like that on photos, but I smile like that in the real life all the time. Nothing is more attractive than a big smile. As you can see, my hair is not done, I’m wearing glasses (I could pick a photo with contacts on, too) and an old worn out biker jacket that I love, and the background is very much not prepared for a photo, but it shows my personality more than any other photo I have, I think. What do you think? A good call or a bad call?

Popularity: 8% [?]

Often when you read dating advice it gives you the idea like you were applying for a job. We have to realize that finding a soul mate is not like finding a job. When you are looking for a job, you want to impress and show all the qualities that will BENEFIT the company you are applying for, but when you are looking for love, you are there to find someone who will love you for the real you. That’s not to say you shouldn’t put your best foot forward, but don’t fake it. It doesn’t matter if all the other people on the site think you’re a complete douchebag, as long as there is that special someone who goes and reads the words of a soul mate. Someone they can really relate to and imagine watching the telly with for the rest of their lives without arguing over the channels too much.

Although I tell you not to fake it, I tell you to do your best at writing your profile or your dating add. Go out of your way with it, and don’t hold back. Don’t just list your favourite things you like to do or what you wear, that won’t reveal any information about your soul, not even to your soul mate. Do the best you can to be a genuine you, and fear not, if someone ridicules you for it, fuck ‘em. In the end you might have the last laugh after they’ve gotten divorced 3 times and you’re blissfully in love with your wife or husband. Love comes to those who are brave enough to go after it with all that they’ve got, and if you’re not brave enough to do that, then you’re just going to have to get used to the idea that you’ll never find the one.

Remember while you write, that you are writing to the love of your life. He or she will not mock you for it, ever. They will embrace it, love it and print it out for the kids to read when they grow up. That piece of writing could be read out at your wedding, the magical piece that brought your love to you. Be an idiot if you must, there will be an other idiot just like you, who will sigh of relief when they read your add. They will go: “Finally, someone who will understand me, someone I can trust myself to be around. Someone I can relate to.” Having a fantastic job, Armani suit or Versace dress, cooking exotic food every night and surfing over weekends are not required to find love. Trust me, there will be someone just like you, looking for someone just like you.

Popularity: 7% [?]

If you simply can’t use a picture for your dating profile for some reason, dating online might get too difficult to actually get you anywhere and it might not be for you. However, I have heard of true blind dates gone oh so well.

If you are cute, don’t be afraid to show it. If you’re average put that out there as well. It is damn site more interesting interacting with even the most average of people, than a picture of the cutest dog or the prettiest of flowers. I understand there are some valid reasons why you don’t want your picture out there, but be advised, that if you don’t have such reason, use the photo. If you’re straight out with the way you look, saves you tons of time later, as people won’t expect that you’re a model, as even though you would tell them you’re not, they will always imagine you to be better looking than you are, and disappoint when you’re not – always. So it’s easier to be straight about it – also saves you the embarrassment of not being contacted ever again after they see your picture or have a date with you.

Have you ever heard stories how people hooked up with their ex-boyfriends or some other people they already know but would not normally be interested in? By using your photo and requiring one in return you eliminate the risk of unknowingly dating someone like this. (This has happened to a friend of mine, it’s not just an urban legend. Fortunately she realized she was talking to an ex before things got too far.)

Another advantage about having your picture out in the open is that people will have easier time to “map you” in their head. If you have ever met a person you have interacted with for a long time without “a face” you will know what I’m talking about. It is ALWAYS a surprise to meet people face to face for the first time, as they are never what you expected them to be, even if you had seen their photo. The bigger the difference between their imagination and your looks are, the harder it is for people to grasp who you are and what you are like, even though they knew it in theory.

Give you an example. I had a group of women friends online. Because of their circumstances and the topic, none of them could use a picture of themselves on the site. I had an image of each one of them pictured in my head, and I could even tell how their voice SHOULD sound like. When I finally met them, none of them was anything I imagined them to be, and even though some of them were better looking than I thought I never really recovered from the shock of finding them to look the “wrong kind”. My interest towards them diminished dramatically after that, because they didn’t match my mental image of them. I felt cheated, as they failed my expectations of them.

On the other hand, I have never been disappointed after meeting a person I had a picture of beforehand. Some looked better than in the picture, some looked worse, but at least I had their image somewhat mapped into place in my mind, and I could continue where I left off with them online, as I still felt like I knew them. In a lot of cases I think the “they were nothing like they seemed to be online” feeling is just the shock of finding out that they didn’t look or sound like you thought they would, when all the time they think the same way as they do online.

Popularity: 2% [?]