Intimate O(pi)nions

Archive for the ‘Strategy’ Category

Inspired by yesterday’s episode of Beauty and the Geek (Australia) I thought to write specifically to you geeks out there who think they can’t score. :p First of all, I want to tell you that “geek” is no longer a curse word, or an insult, but you should be proud of being a geek. I myself consider myself geeky, but not nearly geeky enough for my own liking. :p Anyway, the point is: Because you’re a geek, you’re smart and you know it, and therefore, everything else that you need to achieve to be attractive to women is well within your reach; you can work out, you can dress better, get a hair cut and work on people skills, but if you can never be smarter than what you are. You can always work on the package and presentation, but you can’t sell buggy software without getting returns, right?

Studious as you are, you should approach the subject of women from a scientific point of view. Psychology, even though not as specific science as the rest, is still a science. And psychology of women is simpler than you think. You CAN understand women, and since you’re smart, you’ll probably be better at it than the jock that will simply see them as beautiful shells that will meet their needs.

Fix the package

1. “Hire a graphic designer team” which in this case means that ask around on Twitter or any online public forum Yahoo Answers for example, for tips on the best hair stylist in your area. Get an appointment and tell them that you’re updating your look from geek to geek chic, and give them free hands to do what they think is necessary. Just go with it, it can’t get any worse, right? And remember that most of us are shocked after a hair cut, it doesn’t mean it’s bad, it’s just that you get scared every time you look in the mirror for the next 4 days. You do own a mirror, don’t you?

2. Go shopping, or see if you already have what is called “Geek chic”. Believe it or not, there are people who are trying to look as smart as you, and since they don’t have the brain, they go for your clothes. Now it’s time for them to give back. Get what the fashion gurus have refined on the basis of geeky clothes, and just tidy up your wardrobe a little bit. There is no need for you to erase geek from you, in order to be attractive. If you don’t believe me, watch this video. Ignore the terms that they use for the clothing, I have no idea what he meant.. You might actually because you’re a geek.. Anyway, if you don’t don’t panic. The key is to find colours that don’t clash (avoid bright colours if unsure, or avoid colours completely and just go with black and white or greys) and to wear clothes that fit well, don’t sag nor squeeze. If you are unsure of what to wear, twitter around for a good shop and go in; tell them you’re going for geek chic and let them work on your look. Once you’re comfortable and they’re happy, you’ve got the look. And remember, you don’t have to turn yourself into a fashion poser, just adapt a little, make some refinements, tidy up. Think of yourself as the real thing, while the fashion chics are trying hard to look like you. In other words, if you make a mistake in your look, it just makes you more real.

How to meet women?

Simple answer for any geek: Get online! There are tons of frustrated but great women online just waiting for someone to talk to them directly, and not try to fool them into believing the guys are for real. There are a lot of practical information in the FREE eBook I wrote, so just get that and have a read. (I’m so happy I can trust you know what a pdf is and that you know how to read!)

Once you’ve got your girl in sight, by following a few simple rules, you’ll ignite attraction:

1. Give her attention, but not too much. You don’t want to make her think that you’re there for her for any whim she might have, and that you’re prepared to serve her on your knees. That’s probably what you’ve been indirectly told to do, and the women that go for this approach are not worth your attention, so quit it. :p Treat them as you would treat any male friend you may (or may not) have. (When you get to the eBook, there’s more about desperation and this is where it is relevant.)

2. Be confident to know that sometimes being unsure of yourself is the most attractive thing you can do. What a contradiction, eh? What I mean by that, is that you can show people that you’re not too sure how to handle yourself and that you are scared, while still be confident in the fact that you are still a lovable person. People don’t love other people for their perfection, they love them for who they are. Therefore not pretending is the best thing to do, and just trust yourself to be good enough as you are.

3. You can talk about Star Trek, Battle Star Galactica, forest fungus, and astronomy if you like, but try not to stay in one topic for too long. Remember to ask your date what she does for fun and for profit, if she has been online for long, if she blogs or that sort. You found her online, so there is a good chance she’s been dealing with computers for some time, and that she might enjoy the net, and that is something you probably relate to in some level anyway. If she gets excited about any topic you come up with, you can safely stay in that topic for as long as she keeps eagerly coming up with responses. Don’t be afraid to stray from the topic by mentioning something that she reminded you of, as long as you don’t interrupt her too brutally. At least let her finish a sentence. :p (Oh and you’ll actually know what a sentence is, you smarty-pants you!) If you get into an awkward pause, just ask her something simple like what is her favourite movie or TV-program, if you bother to watch TV that is. (You might not want to ask about bands or other pop-culture stuff as you might end up having another awkward moment as you won’t know which band she’s talking about, I know I always end up in that pickle myself.)

4. I don’t have a particular appreciation for women who are very fussy about how a date should go, where you should take her, if you pay and how much and the sort, so I won’t give you any lists of that kind. But you should pick the place for 2 reasons; You may be expected to pay for the date, so it has to be in your price range, and also it would be uncomfortable for her to pick a place not being sure of how much you’re willing to pay. Secondly, it shows confidence if you pick the place, and confidence is attractive. Take her where you are comfortable, but obviously your home and her home is off limits for security reasons. My point here is that if she dumps you for not taking her into the right restaurant, then good riddance. Some women are very vocal about not wanting “a cheap date” but what does it really say about them? If you are really nervous, a café is a good place to start, then move on to a movie if you’re not keen on talking too much. If you like talking, which would be good, take the date to your area of expertise and take her to a museum of which you know a lot about and can function as a tour guide if needed. Just remember when you tell her stuff, avoid numbers, but add a lot of stories about the people behind the items, more human stuff, less data, you know? Answer all possible questions very simply, unless your date is as smart as you are.

So there. Some advice contradict the advice of the beauties in the Beauty and the Geek, but that’s simply because the girls there are not aware of their smarts or they simply are not smart, and therefore they don’t like “smart talk”. You don’t have to go for the dimmest light in the Christmas tree though, but find yourself a real gem among women, because you’re smart!

Popularity: 7% [?]

When people talk about online dating, it always comes up that it’s very dangerous. I disagree. While everyone knows that there are dangers involved, we also know that going to your favourite night club and getting pissed out of your brain is not exactly safe either. It’s not like these predators were born with the dawn of online dating, they existed well before the Internet. In the “real life” when we go out, we are used to following certain safety rules, like we don’t leave our drinks unattended so someone can spike them, we don’t hitch hike for a ride with strangers… Well, some people do, but we all know that’s not very wise, but we certainly don’t take walking short cuts through the ghettos, right? In the real life, even after you’ve made all precautions possible, you will be in trouble before you know it, and you can disappear without a trace.

And that is where the biggest difference comes with the Internet. EVERYTHING you do is logged. It doesn’t take much effort for the police to track down the site you used to get the date, with whom and from there move on to what else has your latest date been up to and with whom. That’s not much of a consolation if you have already been killed, but the fact is that the predators know this as well as the rest of us. Even though they could cover their own tracks online, they can’t cover yours. Unfortunately, they too can give false information on the site, and hide who was using it. Therefore, the most important thing for you to remember is NEVER to go on a date without seeing your date’s photo, and if your date doesn’t look like the one you thought you’re going to date, get out. It’s not being shallow, it’s being safe (and don’t get greedy if he/she turns out looking better than the photo, as in not the same person -better). And a good precautionary measure to take is to print out the profile and leave a copy of it by your desk with a date and place written on top if you don’t want to tell your friends. (Nobody needs to know you do that, right?)

The thing that people consider dangerous online, is that you can pretend to be anything you want, and that it’s completely anonymous. What they don’t seem to get, is that the same is true for everyone. You too can be completely anonymous, and only tell things that you want to tell. To go further, you can also lie to people face to face. People who are comfortable writing lies are most likely comfortable telling lies to your face as well. If they’re not, then you’re going to find it out on your first date, no harm done, right? The fact is, that you won’t get in trouble online, you can only get in trouble when online date turns into an offline date. The dangers online is not the anonymity of it, but the fact that there’s a lot more unknowns involved, but the same unknowns that make it dangerous narrow down the amount of offenders who are skilled enough to abuse those unknowns, as you need to be quite the hacker to actually sneak your way into your life without you enabling them. It’s a lot easier to do offline anyway, but if you want to do it online, there’s no reason why you wouldn’t do it on Facebook. Facebook reveals a lot more information about you than most dating sites ever will. You’re surrounded by your friends, but how many times have you accepted a friend request from a person you don’t exactly know, simply because you didn’t want to be rude?

In the “real life”, if someone attacks you, they are not very likely to do that where people can see them. And obviously, it could be any number of people. The attacker has to do a lot of attacks before they can narrow down the possible offenders without any eye witnesses. Online, it only takes one well prepared date to go wrong and the police will at least know what their suspect looks like.

Again, while IRL you can get into trouble before you see a hint of danger, online you can talk to the person for months before actually meeting them. You can keep your antennas up and see if what the person is telling you adds up. You can have webcam conversations that confirm that the profile matches the person. If the person has a violent volatile personality, you will know it sooner rather than later by the things he says to you and how he says them. If you had met this person offline, you probably would be at his apartment by then, but online, you’re still in your own, safe and sound.

The thing is; you can only get in trouble in the real life. Online, the worst they can do to you is absolutely destroy your reputation by lies or hurl abuse at you, but there’s nothing stopping people from doing that offline as well. But that is where it stops online, unless you have revealed information you shouldn’t have. Online people can only hurt you by the things you tell them. You control your mouth, not your friends, not your blabbering mother, not some random by-passer that sees you going into your house. You take the risks online, they are not taken for you like they often are offline. Offline you can be pressured into going to an after-party or to take a ride with a bunch of guys, and even though you have a feeling it’s not a good idea, your friend is insisting on going and you simply have to go with her to make sure she’s okay. Online, things like that simply don’t happen. It’s just about you and what you want to tell people. In that way, you are in complete control.

So, the safe steps in order of execution:

1. Don’t reveal personal information

2. Check that your photos don’t reveal where you are

3. Demand a photo

4. Have a web cam conversation

5. Have a voice conversation over the phone or preferably on Skype.

6. Print out the profile and put in the date time and the place and any other relevant information you have. (What kind of a car he/she drives. Cars are hard to hide.)

7. Go on a date on a well lit public place during day time or early evening. If the photo doesn’t match the face, get out.

8. If your gut instinct warns you, get out.

9. Keep your phone with you.

10. That’s it. Most likely all your precautionary measures have been wasted and you had fabulous time.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Lets face it. Men often go to online dating sites looking for sex. Girls don’t, not as often anyway. So how do you get online girls to sleep with you? The answer: Some of them, you cannot. Some you can, and the way to do it, is to be honest with them about what you want.

There are 3 types of girls on dating sites:
1) Those who won’t sleep with you until they know you genuinely love them. There is absolutely no point for you to try to win them over because for what you are after, they are too much trouble. (Majority group in the US, Muslim and Catholic countries, where ever religion is strongly present. Affects even those who are not religious due to cultural values.)
2) Those who are primarily looking for love, but don’t mind having a bit of casual while waiting for their prince. (Majority group in Europe, especially Northern Europe. Good to know if you want cyber sex.)
3) Those who are just after sex like you are. (Minority group everywhere.)

You are targeting the groups 2 and 3.

In your profile, write that you’re really only looking for sex. Girls who will not consider it, will skip your add and go to the next one, but that’s alright, you couldn’t have talked them into it anyway. The girls who are not very conservative but more sexual in nature, will read on and find out what are your circumstances, why you’re just looking for sex and if that suits their situation. I’ll tell you a couple of stories of when I was single. I was mainly looking for real love, but I wasn’t the type to save it for marriage, I belonged to the second group:

I once replied to a guy who was blatantly looking to hook up only. I was in a phase of my life that I had no real qualms about meeting a hot police officer for a bit of fun and play, and that was exactly what we did for a couple of months, until I met someone I was interested in in a more deep level. Then I just texted him that heya mate, had fun, time to move on, good luck in the future. No mess, we both were on the same page and it worked beautifully. I don’t think his add even had a photo on it, but I went on a date to decide if I wanted anything out of it. Quite honestly I’m not even sure he was actually a police man, but he certainly had the build for it and if he was or not didn’t really matter in that situation. (However I do believe he was the real deal, as he never acted out of character. I didn’t check his badge or anything. )

The reason why I’m sharing this is that it really pays off to be honest. What ever you’re after there’ll be someone that will go for it. If he would have pretended to be after love and then ask me for sex, I would have just told him to go fuck himself, no chance in hell he would have succeeded. Or, if he would have then changed his mind and wanted a relationship, no way! That would have ended everything as well.

Tell you another example. I knew this super hot black boxer guy (in the real life), who I had drooled over for years. I finally hooked up with him once and then about a week later he texted me that he had computer problems and maybe I could help him with it. He opened the door in his underwear, and told me his computer was fine. I was so not in the mood because I had come over to fix his computer, not his other problems and I became very annoyed and told him that the next time he wants sex, just say so and I simply left. I never met him again and all his magic had disappeared.

When you are looking to hook up for sex only, you can lie about things like your profession. It really doesn’t matter if you’re not a cop, if you can pull off the role well enough, and be prepared to give some valid advice on when to call a cop or something. Girls will argue in the comments that they don’t want fake cops. Of course they don’t, but you can create a bit of a fantasy and if you can deliver I see no problem with it. However, there’s absolutely no NEED to do that to get laid.

What you want to do writing your profile, is to sound like a fun guy, who is safe to hang out with, who has a good head on his shoulders, and isn’t too creepy. You can’t sound like you’re riddled with guilt doing that, but you’ll have to sound like what you’re dong is fine in your books and you want to find a girl who is fine with that as well. I will NOT tell you how to do all that, because if you can’t then probably I don’t want to advice you on how to deceive girls. I’m mentioning it so that you will know that it matters what you write and how you write it, more even than what it matters on a “normal” dating profile. Girls will forgive flaws of men that they love, but they will not forgive flaws of men they sleep with. Men work the opposite way. If you don’t have success, that’s where I would look for the reason.

You don’t have to post your face on this type of profile, a good body shot will do fine – girls will understand – but never ever post a photo of your private parts. Trust me, that would be a bad idea! When you have a private connection with someone, you should email the photo of your face at that point, it creates trust. Better yet, have a web cam -conversation with her. Also, call her on the phone before meeting up, if nothing but to set up where to meet her, and always meet her on a public place first, that is again creating trust.

If you are looking for a kink-partner, go to an appropriate website, obviously, and again, be honest. When it comes to kink though, you really have to be 100% honest about everything. If you don’t reveal a detail that’s fine (unless the detail happens to be that you’re actually married or in a relationship) but don’t lie. It is also an option for you to find an “adult dating site” which are created for this exact use. Be aware though that these sites have a lot of “professionals” on them, so be suspicious if an unusually gorgeous girl is approaching you.

Why you should leave the Group 1 alone

First, they don’t want to have anything to do with you. They think you’re a creep and waste of oxygen. They will not change their minds.
Secondly, although it is possible for you to fool them into having sex with you, it usually takes a lot of time and effort, and sometimes money to get there. Often it’s really not worth it, because they want to validate your love for one another, while you just want to fuck her silly. That is not to say that they wouldn’t fuck you silly if the relationship goes on, but that requires some real emotions from you.
Thirdly, they know the game you’re playing already. You might be able to fool a 16-year old, but when they’re past 20, they’re so over you and your type. I know you don’t mind a 16-year old, but make note that they do come with a legal protection in this area.
You are after easy sex, right? If not, you’re just being emotional.

To recap, girls weren’t born yesterday either. Apart from the ones that were, obviously. They can see through bullshit a lot better than you can, and they have OPTIONS. They don’t HAVE to sleep with you even though they didn’t want anything else from a guy, because a quality chick can ALWAYS get laid when she wants to. So don’t waste your time bugging girls who are not interested in casual sex, but put your energy into creating a quality profile for yourself and let them come to you. A quality chick wouldn’t write a sex only ad on a dating site, but she might just contact you for it if you have presented yourself well enough. The best thing you can really pull an advantage over the average Joe is by being honest about what you want. There ARE girls just as sexual as you are, you just have to make yourself available and intriguing option for them.

Popularity: 13% [?]

When you start approaching people online, you have to be aware that not all social networks are dating sites. This means, that even though the site might look like a dating site, it might have similar functions, it still may not be one. Now that social networking has become more of a norm, I suppose misplaced dating requests have gotten fewer (active daters, can you confirm?), but I doubt that it had stopped completely.

Pen pal sites, Social Networking sites, Business networking sites etc: They are not dating sites, and you should not assume that all women there want to be married to a man from Ghana. Do not disturb people who are not looking for love there, even if they were single. I know it is sometimes hard to understand why people would use a social site and still be annoyed for someone contacting them, but you just have to agree to disagree.

If you are on a strictly dating site, the type that has happy couples in the front, uses phrases like “dating site” (dead giveaway) “romance”, “love” and the sort, you are safe to assume that people there are looking for love. Regardless, they are not looking for just any kind of love:

Read their profile

To find out what the person is there for, read the profile! It’s that simple, always read the profile before contacting anyone. That is just common courtesy and wise. It gives you an competitive edge too, because a lot of people don’t read profiles. Pick something that you find interesting about it, and when you write the first message, mention that interesting thing, so the receiver knows you went through the trouble and you’re not just speeding through a bunch of pretty/handsome people.

“But that takes time and she/he still won’t reply, I know!”

If that’s what you’re saying, you’ve already lost. The best you can expect to get from this, is someone who is VERY DESPERATE to meet someone. People want to feel special, especially when it comes to the matters of love. If you send random messages to random people, you will give them the impression that you don’t care at all who’s going to reply to you as long as someone does, and that makes you seem desperate and thus undesirable.

You wouldn’t (hopefully) try to pick up every member of the opposite sex at a Entrepeneur’s Conference, so make sure you know why everyone has come to this place. Sure enough, there will be someone wishing for a fling at the conference as well, just as there will be at a normal social networking site, but you’ll have to know who the people are and how to approach them. Online it’s just that much easier: RTFP (Read the Fucking Profile.)

Popularity: 4% [?]

“Falling in love is finding a match for your traumas” said a family friend once, a wise man of a sort. I have never understood that more clearly than when I realized why this one guy just wouldn’t stick. This is ancient history, but it’s such a good example of what I mean that I have to share it with you all.

In my 20s, I fell head over heels in love with this guy who had a resemblance to the young Brad Pitt, and a good sense of humour. His eyes were constantly laughing, and the first time I saw him at a club, he was talking to another girl, while taking glances at me. I gestured to him that he was a naughty boy talking to her, and when he was finished, he walked to me, got my phone number and said he couldn’t stay now, but would call me later.

To my great surprise he actually called the following Wednesday and asked me out. I wasn’t quite sure what to think of him, he was clearly from different social background than I was, but he was very charming – and quite short. (I’ve always said I needed a tall guy but fall in love with the ones who are barely my height.) I can’t remember exactly how everything went from there, but I do remember the first night he spent at my place. All very nice, no need to go into details, but in the morning he said he would go now. I wouldn’t hear of it and playfully chained him into the bed with his own (quite tacky) golden jewelery. When I finally freed him, he asked me to come with him to meet his friends, which I did. I spent the Sunday with him and thought things are just going swimmingly with this guy, how fabulous! During the Sunday, he introduced me to his best friend, who happened to be the girl at the club, and told me that they used to date but these days they were just best of friends. I was cool with that. He then told everyone how I had imprisoned him, and he seemed, and I’m not exaggerating, glowingly happy about the fact. I naturally thought he was into bondage, and that was my first mistake.

So when things moved on, it formed into some sort of a weird song and dance between us two. I didn’t know if we were together or not, and I don’t think he had much of a clue either. We met regularly after hours, the booty call type of thing, sometimes hang out during the evening, but he would often wander of to another club or something but get back to me at the last call. He always escaped me in the morning, with a playful look on his face, which I didn’t quite understand, but thought that he was using his boyish charm so I wouldn’t be mad at him for leaving as soon as he woke up. That was my second mistake. He even once escaped the buss when we were supposed to go to my place. Without a word he just got off at his stop (we lived around the same area) and I did not understand what was his problem. I was just very frustrated with him, as he seemed to be there, but just out of my grasp. So I thought he just needed his freedom and space and gave it to him.

Eventually, I found someone else who was more co-operative, and put this guy to rest. However, when that romance finished on a not so happy note a couple of years later, I gave this guy a call. We agreed to meet up, and then he told me that he had indeed loved me, and that he just wanted me to tell him to stay. At the time I didn’t really make the connection, because I was still under the assumption that he was a guy with simple needs and a need of freedom, so I just told him that I wasn’t going to order anyone to spend time with me if they clearly didn’t want to. Regardless, we had a romance Take II and it ended the same way as the first one. I still refused to humiliate myself enough to beg/order someone to stay with me, and besides, I was just that much older and wiser that I knew it was just a temporary solution.

Now, with a lot more experience in life I suddenly put all of this together. He did love me. He wasn’t into bondage. He wsan’t escaping me, he was testing me. He wanted me to stop him, chain him down and lay down the law, so that he would know I really wanted him there. I also remembered he told me that his father used to beat up his mother, which tells me that he didn’t have the happy childhood that I did. To him love clearly meant rules and restrictions, someone ordering you to stay. To me, it meant the opposite. Sure, if I had put this all together in time, I probably would have played along with him and hand-cuffed him on my wrist 24/7 and that would probably have made him quite happy… But in the end, I know we really didn’t have anything to build a real relationship on. This is just to tell you all, especially you girls, that even guys have their traumas, and they too sometimes have clear ideas on how they want to be loved. In this case, I appeared to be exactly what he ordered, but I probably confused him just as much as he confused me.

So maybe the next time you’re in a situation like that you might want to ask the other party why are they acting the way they are. If they don’t answer, which they probably won’t, tell them what you THINK it means. Usually, when you voice an assumption which is way off the mark, people start to object to that, because that is just a horrible way to think of it, and tell what is really going on. The answer might not be pleasing, but at least you’ll know.

Popularity: 1% [?]