Intimate O(pi)nions

Archive for the ‘Attitude adjustment’ Category

Today I wanted to remind you all about safety, even if you are on a Christian dating site. The following is not limited to Christians of course, but I am just making a point. Sometimes I notice that people are very sceptical about online dating in general, but they drop their guard when they go on a Christian dating site, thinking that since they are people of faith, they cannot be bad. Unfortunately, this could not be further from the truth. Christian sites are the PRIMARY target to go to if you are an abusive man with the perfect mask on your face. (I suppose the same goes for women, even though they are a much rarer group.) For someone with a serious personality disorder it is the easiest thing to do to put on a mask when everything you are supposed to say, appreciate and do is written down in one book – the bible. Sadly, the lonelier you are and the higher standards you have for a devout man, the better target it makes you. Let me paint you a worst case scenario.

You meet up with a guy who sounds like a very upstanding, picture perfect character. He believes in God, goes to the church every Sunday and speaks of religious matters without getting lost with words or showing to be ashamed of such topics, like some of these non-religious guys you know do. He speaks strongly about moral values, how he is against sex outside marriage and all that. He may admit to have sinned before, but that he has prayed for his sins and he believes they have been forgiven, and he also asks you if you would forgive him for them. He might also tell you how misunderstood he has been in the past, by his parents, his boss, his ex-wife, even. You think you have finally found a good devout born again Christian, and what’s the best thing about it; he talks about marriage on the first date and proposes on the second. You believe you have finally found a man who hasn’t got commitment issues and is serious about the sanctity of marriage.

Your friends and family are telling you to slow down, but you ignore them, because you know him better than they do. They just don’t understand how you got the reply to your prayers in this man, and they haven’t experienced true love like this. And you are not going to join all those people who judge him for his past sins! You grind your teeth together and decide you’re going to marry this guy whether they like it or not! You may even go into straight on battle with your concerned loved ones, but you stick to your guns and marry him.

Not long after you begin to realise that everything isn’t quite as rosy as you thought it was. His mask is starting to slip. You realise he has anger issues, but he manages to keep them at bay and he always apologies, and also reminds you that forgiveness is the road to God. He points out that none of us is perfect, and that is why we need the forgiveness of Jesus, his sacrificial blood that was shed for our sins. You agree that he is telling the truth and forgive him, because that is what Christians do, besides, you are married already and you are better to make things work. You decide not to mention anything to anyone, as that would be just too embarrassing after they all warned you, and also, you wouldn’t want to worry them anyway.

Slowly things start to get worse. When he gets angry, he no longer just snaps at you, first he shouts, then he slaps and in the end, he hits you so that you fall off your feet. He’s telling you that you are not acting like a Christian wife should and that you have too many wandering thoughts, your skirt is too short or you have one too many buttons open in your shirt, or it’s totally too form-fitting. He needs to set you straight, because that is what a devote Christian husband does, he has to protect you from the influence of the devil, even if it meant he has to beat the devil out of you. You agree that this is what the bible says, and try to conform to his ideal of a perfect wife, you change the way you dress, talk and act. You even change what you are watching on the telly, and if there’s a man on the telly, you make sure you don’t smile or look too interested, because he would teach you not to lust after other men. You do your best to be a good wife, but no matter what you do, he always seems to find something more that is wrong with you. Some days though, he is so loving and caring towards you, that you find yourself thinking that this must be the turning point of your marriage… Before it happens again.

Soon, you get used to your life, and decide this is pretty much the way things are. If you have had children, which most likely you have, the first time you realise something is wrong when your 4-year old looks up to you with big moist eyes and asks you: “Are there daddies who don’t hurt mommies?” That is when you decide you have to get out of there, for your child’s sake. You know however, that getting out is not as simple as ordering divorce papers and having them signed, because your husband believes in no such things as divorce. He consideres you something he owns, not to mention his kids, and your leaving means waiting for the right time, when he is out of town for a few hours, just enough for you to scrape together a few things for the kids and yourself and get out of the house running for the bus, because he won’t let you drive. If you are lucky, you still have a friend to help you, but you have most likely had to cut all contact to your friends and family because they weren’t wholesome enough for your husbands taste and he had to cut out the bad influence from your life. So you get to the women’s shelter hoping that he won’t follow, but you know he will.

It will become a years long battle for custody, and you have to prove to the officials over and over again, that it is not you who abuses the children, it is not you who is out of your mind… He puts on that charming face when ever he meets any of them, and they call you up and tell you a sob story about your perfect ex husband and how difficult all of this is for him and how you should at least consider what is best for your child.

And still, you know you were one of the lucky ones. You got out alive.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Many, many women give up online dating because they get SO MUCH downright assholy emails. (I know it’s not a word but it bloody well should be.) It is a problem on most, if not all dating sites, that there is just that one type of men who simply do not get it. I personally got sick of this. VERY sick. So what I am about to share with you is not exactly a nice thing to do, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Unfortunately this will weed out some pretty cool guys as well, but for the most part, it works. So before giving up, hear my story:

When I was dating, I ran a website about my experiences as a single girl. In time, it grew in popularity so, that I kept hearing that “everyone reads it” and people stopped me on the streets to ask me if I was “the Sebastyne”. It was pretty cool really. One of my most commented sections on the site was my “idiotic email on my dating inbox” -page. It was where I copy-pasted all email from the stupid ass mother fuckers that bothered me. It gave great content for my site, and every time I got a stupid email, I got glad rather than mad, because it was yet another addition to my gallery of morons. That in itself didn’t stop them from emailing me, but when I added a warning on my dating profile, that I WILL PUBLISH idiotic email on my site, and I might not remove your name of it, they diminished to those who really don’t read your profile at all. (To my surprise it became evident that some of these jackasses actually did read it first.)

To further assure that even the biggest jackasses knew that there was something different about my profile, I wrote this on my profile photo: “Please, before you message me, read my whole profile.” THAT caught the eye of even the most impatient, and the flood of idiotic email nearly stopped. That gave me the reputation of the biggest bitch online, but who cares, really? I recommend that where ever you decide to publish these, if you will, you include a link to the “previous morons” so that the good men will realize what utter garbage some guys send your way, and know that you’re not just being a drama queen. The good guys really find it hard to phantom the level of idiocy their fellow men can stoop to.

Do you have some examples to share of these emails? Feel free to add them in the comments, with your commentary attached of course! Be the bitch that bites back!

If you are concerned about legal issues, in some countries there is something called secrecy of correspondence which protects the mail to be opened by any 3rd party, but either the sender or the receiver of the letter is free to publish it, unless it contains something that can be protected under the copyright laws.

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I will publish this one a day early, because of one man who needed no warnings, and wrote me the best email I’ve ever received on an online dating site; My husband of 4 years, and best friend of 5, My Brettels. Happy anniversary, darling, love you heaps.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Now, we’ve already discussed security issues when going on the first online date, but there’s more to it than that. It’s not too complicated though, so this won’t be a long post!

1. Try to look like your profile picture
It creates a lot of trust to find the person you were talking to online to be very similar to what they looked like online. I have received numerous relieved sounding comments in the lines of: “It was so easy to recognise you” or “you look exactly the same!” At the time I was quite puzzled about it, as I didn’t really think about it, I was what I was, but it has dawned on me later on, that a lot of people enhance their photos beyond recognition, or have dyed their hair or have someone else do their makeup or something that makes them look very different to what they normally look like. So when you’re selecting your profile photo, try to keep this in mind; You have to be able to deliver, and also, keep in mind that you will probably meet the person for a coffee or a beer, so wear what you would in those situations.

2. Ask questions, but don’t interview
Sometimes on a date I’ve felt like I was being interviewed for a job. It is a very bizarre and offputting feeling, and instead of trying to fit what they look for, I’ve simply started to wait until it had gone on for long enough so it won’t be rude to leave. I haven’t personally come accross these, but if you have in mind that you should write down questions to ask, please stop yourself right there. You can always ask them later on an email, but meeting face to face should be about finding chemistry and to see if you are attracted to each other “in the real life”.

3. Imagine you’re meeting a friend
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, you should just be yourself, and the best way to do it is to decide you’re with a friend. They might be a friend you haven’t met before, but a friend none-the less. Smile when you feel like smiling, and so forth, don’t think about it too much. If they don’t like you the way you are, you’ll just have to find someone else. Also, try to avoid an overly critical mindset. If you have decided that all men are deceitful bastards, what are the chances of you seeing any good in any man, right? (Decide that this guy MIGHT be an exception to your rule, but don’t ignore obvious signs and your gut feeling.) And no, it’s probably not their loss if they don’t like you, but it’s not your loss either. It’s not about attracting this person, it’s about finding the right person, savvy?

4. What to wear?
Related to points 1 & 3, and the question that is on every girls mind before a date of any kind, and probably guys too, is what to wear. If your closet hasn’t been updated for a while, and all you can find is worn out old rags, then by all means, go shopping. However, if you’re still in the going out every Saturday -mode, you’ll probably be alright just picking your favorite casual wear. The best bet is well sitting jeans and a nice top, something you could wear to a night club, but wouldn’t look too out of place for a café. Girls; high heels are always a bonus, especially if you know your date is tall. This way, you’ve got options to continue the date on another location if it feels just right.

That’s it, not too complicated, isn’t it? If my 60+ year old auntie can do it, so can you!

Popularity: 6% [?]

If you are like me, you have probably tried dating in both online and offline environments. What I have come to notice, is that even though you have to go through a lot more junk (=people) online, you will waste less time on the wrong people and when something develops from an online contact, it is far more likely to develop into a good happy relationship than it is with an offline contact.

The reason for this is, especially if you are shy to dump people, you are far more likely to get stuck into a relationship with a person you’re not that attracted to, because you will have to tell them so face to face that you’re not interested. – Some of us can’t even bring ourselves to say “I’m not interested” to a person they just met 5 minutes ago. Online, you simply don’t respond. So you’re not only more empowered to find stick to your own guns, you also know that the people who keep emailing you do so because they really are interested, and not because you offered a drink and they’re too embarrassed to say you should probably leave them alone…

Further, you get to know the person a lot faster and in a deeper level. Unless the person is out to deceive, which the majority of people are not, you will soon find out if they’re interesting or not. If they are interesting, because the only way to keep in contact is to communicate, you will HAVE TO get to know them. Offline, you can easily get stuck into a shallow small talk for so long, that in the end you’ll feel odd going deeper because “you should know each other by now”.

Online dates usually share a large amount of written thoughts in form of emails and blogs, and since it is a lot less indimitating than speaking face to face, the information we reveal has a lot more substance. As a lot of it is written before you even know each others real names, you feel safer to reveal personal thoughts because you can always disappear without a trace in case what you reveal creates a negative response. You can nearly literally be swallowed by the Earth if you stuff up badly. Because this is possible, you will also get to know the type of secrets that some of their closest friends don’t know. If that is not a good base for a relationship, I don’t know what is.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Online girls are in the unfortunate situation that they get to hear a lot of crap from men. Some of it is just what it is; crap, but sometimes the overflow of crap can make us sensitive to the normal amount of crap. You know, we all shit, but not constantly, if you know what I mean.

Some men have a porn diarrhea. The symptoms are; They cannot hold it in, but need to relieve themselves at every opportunity. This results to opening lines such as: “Hey sexy, would you want to sit on my cock?” These sort of comments will and should be left alone, as there’s nothing you can say to that. Even if theoretically you don’t mind sitting on cocks, you wouldn’t just jump to the chance when ever it comes along, especially as the said cock is nowhere near to be actually sat on.

Now, while opening a conversation with a rude line like that is pretty much a deal breaker for every woman I’ve ever met – even those who are in the sex business unless they are working at the said moment – there comes a time when a bit of inappropriateness is in order. This is the time when the man tests you, because it is not just what we want of men, it is also what they want of us – and despite the appearances, we’re not actually talking sex here.

Guys will bring up sex at some point of your conversation, maybe sooner than what you would like them to. That is done on purpose, as they test how you react to it. Keeping things prim and proper might be comfortable for you, but without some sexual teasing, you’ll never get out of the friend zone. If a guy waits for you to get out of the friend zone, that will never happen, because girls want to be taken for the ride – most of us anyway – and a man who won’t even try to take a lead on this is most likely a complete wuss and you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him in the first place. How you react to the first attempt will determind what will follow.

If you get all pissed off at him, pull a feminist reaction or go all “I’m not that kind of a girl” on him, and sounding like you actually mean it, his reaction will probably be: “Ah, another one of these. How bloody annoying.” He will probably continue along the same lines just to see the reaction again, because he’s annoyed at you and your type. (No offense, just saying what I have experienced.) He will not even think of you as a potential spouse anymore, because he’s already pissed off at your attitude, now your entertainment value comes from how many buttons he can push and how much angrier will you get.)

However, you can say exactly the same thing and sound like you were amused by his antics, and add that he better keep his cock in his pants for a while longer, (rude expressions are perfect in this case, and you want to be more rude than he was, just to shut him up,) he will probably back off and laugh at all of it. Because you didn’t get offended, he knows he will get his chance later on, he will also know that you’re not an up tight bitch nor are you an easy lay either. You showed him his place and showed him your place as well – you call the shots, and he’ll get there when you’re good and ready.

However, some guys don’t get the hint here but keep on pushing towards sexual topics, and that’s when you can just tell them to go fuck themselves – quite literally – and move on to better guys. Personally I have rarely, I can’t remember one, to be honest, encountered such morons online or offline, but I know they are out there, mainly it seems they’re online and in USA. What ever sucked the US men brain out when they logged in, I don’t know, but finally I can say I am proud of Finnish men. What do you US girls think, are guys really not getting it there, or is this just an urban myth that American men are either religious & traditional (wife and 3 children now), have no respect for women (sit on my cock, bitch) or both (you’re my wife, sit on my cock bitch and give me a son)? Because if they are, they need to be retrained!

Popularity: 4% [?]

We often have a long list of requirements we have on our future companion… A very long. Sometimes it is good to ask ourselves that what it is that we bring onto the table ourselves. What do you have to offer? Advice on how to handle things, aka nagging? Neediness? Demands? Outdated ideas on labor division? Well, let’s look it from the positive point of view. Are you fun to be with? Do you laugh a lot and have a sense of humor? Are you romantic? (Men do like romantic women, but might have problems with overly sugar coating things.) Do you care about your partner? Which one is more important to you, what things look like to the outside or how they truly are? HOW important is it to you, how things look like? Do you make your partner feel loved and cared for, and most importantly, understood?

These questions are important to think about, as a lot of women have an attitude about themselves and their men that they are a price that men have to jump through hoops to deserve, no matter what kind of a hag she is. The same goes with men. Some men expect to date the big breasted model while his own gut is hanging over his belt. Granted, having standards is good, but you have to offer a lot in return! Relationships are ALWAYS two way streets, and our significant others are not our servants, but they would bring you the moon if they could if you make them feel like kings or queens just by being around them. Nagging is so not the way to do it – you will catch a lot more flies with honey – even though I don’t know a woman who would want to catch flies, but bare with me.

Another thing people in general do wrong is to think about the opposite sex as the opposite sex. In reality, there is not that much difference between us, we’re all just people, and we all need to be loved and cared for an accepted. Especially women who have the idea in their head that “men are pigs” and similar thoughts, should realize that men are not the enemy. They are wonderful creatures who have a lot to offer if you treat them as for what they are; people. And men, who worry about “understanding women”, should stop trying to understand all women as a group; all women are different and they should not be put into a same big slab of qualities. These men should just concentrate on understanding this one woman they are involved with.

Popularity: 2% [?]

An American friend of mine objected to my recent post about men NOT loosing their respect for you if you sleep with them too early on in the game. Although I find this appalling, I do have to take it into account, that some countries are still stuck in the 1950’s, and it seems USA is one of them although they should be leading the way. After the sexual revolution and all, they still want to stick women into a box, tie it up with a pink ribbon to be opened up on her wedding night and not a moment before.

Cultures that still put a guilt trip on sexually free women are trying to reverse the natural order of things: Women have the power in sexual relationships. They say when men can have it, when they’re going to have it and when they’re going to have to beg for it. Men don’t like that power, but they want to take it away from the women, and keep them constantly ashamed of their sexuality, because the more ashamed women are, the more it gives power to the men.

Getting slightly off the topic here for a moment, another friend of mine, a Finnish guy, once took a business trip to USA and had a meeting there with a bunch of people. The meeting was interrupted numerous times by people who were late, and he said that he suddenly realized that every time a man walked in late he was filled in on what had been discussed before the meeting moved on. If a woman walked in, even if she outranked the men, she would sit down in silence and the meeting would go on without anyone taking the trouble to fill her in. My friend found this incredibly disturbing and disrespectful, as he’d always been used to men and women being treated equal, in the work place as well as in the bed.

So maybe the trouble in these countries isn’t as much whether or not men will lose their respect for the woman after having sex with her, but that they don’t have respect for women, period. But if American women think that men will just suddenly give them the right to sleep around, they’re sadly mistaken. Rights are taken, not given. Finnish women were the first in Europe and second in the world to receive the right to vote, and they are not the type that take shit from men. The one time a guy I had slept with on a first date told me he “looses respect for women who sleep with him on a first date” I thought he was insane! It never crossed my mind that I should be ashamed of myself, quite the opposite, I thought he was being an incredible moron, and then I started thinking that what kind of a mother allows her son to put a value on people based on something like that.

When I was thinking about my American friends’ objection, I was thinking about sluts. What makes a slut in America is clearly not what makes a slut in Finland. (I would love to hear about Australian point of view on this, as I’m rather unfamiliar with it. I suspect it’s somewhere in between, but closer to the Finnish…) In Finland it’s not about numbers. Girls can have sex with as many guys as they want, if they have standards. What ever their standard is, is up to them, if it’s good looks, intellect, right words said at the right time, what ever, as long as they have standards that most guys will fail to meet. Also, a girl will hve to be able to go home after a night out alone if she didn’t find anyone interesting, and not lower her standards (too much) to get laid. A girl turns into a slut, when she has no standards and sleeps with (or makes a move on) any guy she sees, for the attention, acceptance or odd chance that he might love her. In other words, what makes a slut is desperation, not numbers, and in theory it is possible to be a virgin and be considered a slut in Finland.

When I was wondering about all of this, I emailed a male friend of mine in USA, who I know likes his casual very much, and asked him this same question.  To my surprise he answered without a hesitation that yeah, totally he loses his respect for a girl if she sleeps with him, because if she does it with him, she probably does it a lot. (I was left to wonder what does it matter if she does it a lot anyway..?) But another thing he said was interesting. He also said that that is why they love the Finnish and Japanese girls because they are so sexually liberated. I asked him if that means that they don’t lose their respect for a Finnish or Japanese girl for having sex with them, but do so if the girl is American and should know better… I will tell you later what he replied if he does answer my email – and while we’re waiting, why don’t you tell us what you think.

I don’t know, all I can say about this that I personally don’t have respect for people who think people’s sexual behavior is something to pass judgement on, you either have it or you don’t and it’s not really anyone’s business how much, what kind, when and with whom you have it.

What do you think, is it a numbers game or a question of attitude where you come from, in your personal experience?

Popularity: 7% [?]

Have you ever noticed of yourself, that sometimes you hate/dislike people just because they somehow carry themselves “the wrong way”? That is probably not about your attitude, but the energy, or the vibe, their mojo, if you will that these people send out. I consider myself a fairly healthy personality. I’m more aggressive than I am nurturing though, for the record. I have never hit anyone apart from Taekwondo practices, and if fights with my brother under the age of 12 don’t count. Yet, sometimes when I walk past people on the streets, I get a sudden urge to hit a total stranger, just because they are somehow “asking for it”. They walk in a manner that expects someone to attack, and my aggressive side reacts to it in a split second. However, since I have a good impulse control it has never become an issue, but it clearly registers in my head when I see a person like that.

I had an mojo problem myself when I was younger. I firmly believed that nobody would find me attractive, and if someone did, I should be grateful for any attention at all, from whomever at all. Make a guess how much attention I received. You’re right. None. In addition to a few sad attempts to dating a guy who ran away within one or two weeks, none. What makes things worse; people around you are not sure of themselves any more than you are. So, if you’re putting out the vibe that you don’t want to talk to anyone because you’re too shy to, they might take that as a sign that you think you’re too good to talk to them. This is what I have found out a lot later about my situation, people thought I was being a “diva”, while in fact I was scared shitless about talking to anyone!

It all changed one magical evening out at a pub, when I was 18-years old. I had tons of (sober) fun with my friends, and I had totally forgotten about guys and what they would think of me or would they think anything or whatever. Suddenly, I looked around as I realized I was being watched. Not by one, not by two, but several guys were totally checking me out! That was a feeling I had never had before, and I remember it like it was yesterday. The change was so obvious, and my own attitude that night was so obviously different to normal, that it just hit me like a lightening; it hadn’t been about my “luck”, the condition of my skin or how men just like blonde girls, it was about me all along! It had been me who had been telling them that there’s nothing for them here, walk away while you still can. The same attitude resonates online, fortunately for some and unfortunately for the others.

I believe that whatever you believe others to think about you, they do. They might mix it with their own insecurities, but they will get your general vibe. I don’t know how and why it works – I have a few theories but that’s beside this blog – but I believe that everyone is that much of “a mind reader” that they will know how you expect to be treated. If you believe that every person you meet will eventually cheat on you, they will, because you’ll be attracting cheaters. If you believe that nobody will ever respect you, they won’t. If you believe that you are unattractive to the opposite sex, you most certainly will be. It doesn’t even have to be that the people you interact with would be disrespectful or cheating in general, but if they have any of that within themselves, you will be calling it out with your own beliefs.

I wish I could tell you how exactly pull that magic lever that will suddenly make you self-assured and –appreciative, but I can’t. I’m sure there are books written about it. I know that telling nice things about yourself to yourself and challenging your own perception by observing other people’s lives will not harm you. For example; if you believe that men don’t want to commit to anyone, look around you and find the couples that have a commitment to each other and internalize the fact. There ARE people who are willing to commit. If you believe that nobody will ever be attracted to you, ask yourself if there are nice things about you. Honestly. Put the negativity aside when you go and see the mirror.

I remember, before my big revelation, that I was sitting at the mirror and trying to find flaws in my appearance. Finding physical flaws would have been a relief to me, but I told to myself, that “you’re not ugly.” I knew that for sure “you’re not THAT unattractive physically, so there must be something terribly wrong about YOU.” That was true, but seriously not the right way to say it to myself. What I should have said was “You’re not ugly. You’re not stupid. In fact, you’re quite beautiful and smart, so there’s no reason why guys wouldn’t want you. Just cheer up girl!” But that is easier said than… said.

My advice here; Go easy on yourself, and don’t think bad thoughts about yourself or others attitude toward you. You have to be your best friend and tell nice things about yourself to yourself. If you happen to talk disrespectfully to yourself, apologize immediately. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it will teach you that you are worth respect and admiration, and if you can do it, everyone else can too. Most often we are our own worst critics, but we don’t have to be. We can be our own biggest fans too, without being obnoxious about it. You don’t have to shout it over the roof tops that you love yourself; it will be enough if you just do.

And how does this relate to Internet, I hear you wonder. I tell you, it does. Because… Well. I have a friend, who has a profile on HotOrNot. (I’m sorry I had to pull you into this, but you’re just a perfect example, and I won’t tell anyone who you are.) She sometimes complains that “he tried to double match me!” fine, but she continues: “I bet he’s thinking I’m an easy lay because I’ve been single for so long and I’m so old.” All that, because someone clicked a button stating he would want to meet her. When I used HotOrNot, I thought it would be rude to say “no, I don’t want to meet you”, so I NEVER clicked the button that I DON’T want to meet someone. I just skipped the profile without answering.

Popularity: 1% [?]

If you find yourself thinking, that “all men/women are like this” and even if you added a sub group “all Australian men/women are like this” you are most likely wrong.It is time to look into some of your own decisions on how people are and challenge them a bit. There are some cultures in the world that don’t allow their people to grow into a direction they naturally would, but in the civilized world most men, like women, are individuals and should be treated as such.

If you find yourself thinking on behalf of another person, you have to stop yourself right there. You cannot know what they are thinking of you, and you are most likely coloring their thoughts with your own insecurities. Take me for example. I was a bald woman, by choice. Yet when I walk the streets, I often wonder what people think of my bald head. I’m guessing that one must think I’m a lesbian. He probably thinks I’m a Nazi. When in reality, the women most often admire my bravery and men think I must be an artist or a philosopher of some kind. Hardly bad thoughts! If you think men contact you because you seem like an easy lay, well… Unless you are not knowingly trying to put that image out there, they probably don’t think that way. They might as well think that “how in a world is a girl like that still roaming free?!”

Especially us women are “good at” seeing negative things in any comment. Stop that now! It’s good for you.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Are your friends and family telling you that you need a man or woman to take care of you? Why are they saying that? Can’t you hack it alone? The sad thing is that the time that you are the weakest and lowest in your own life is not the time to start a new relationship. I recently got a virus attack on my computer. Soon after I got an automatic announcement that I should install this anti-virus software that would solve all my problems. I didn’t install it, because I suspected it was software that was pretending to be my friend when my computer was in crisis. You should be equally aware of these real life Trojan horses, people who come into your life when you are weak and desperately in need of a friend. They come in with all the solutions only to eat you up inside later on.

The thing with some people is that they actually do want to be your friend and your savior. That is why they come to those in need. But once you gain strength they will need to make you feel worthless again, as they are afraid you wouldn’t need them anymore if you could handle things for yourself. That is why these people are the biggest real danger you will face in your romantic life, online and offline, not so much the serial killing psychopaths, but these people, that the medical world knows as narcissists.

People who tell you you should learn to love yourself before you can be loved by someone else are absolutely right. You need to know what kind of behavior you are willing to accept from a partner and be assured of the fact that you deserve to be treated with respect in all situations possible. I’ll go into more detail about this later on, but consider this now; Are you strong enough to know love?

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