You are not there to attract masses
June 19th, 2009 | 
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Often when you read dating advice it gives you the idea like you were applying for a job. We have to realize that finding a soul mate is not like finding a job. When you are looking for a job, you want to impress and show all the qualities that will BENEFIT the company you are applying for, but when you are looking for love, you are there to find someone who will love you for the real you. That’s not to say you shouldn’t put your best foot forward, but don’t fake it. It doesn’t matter if all the other people on the site think you’re a complete douchebag, as long as there is that special someone who goes and reads the words of a soul mate. Someone they can really relate to and imagine watching the telly with for the rest of their lives without arguing over the channels too much.
Although I tell you not to fake it, I tell you to do your best at writing your profile or your dating add. Go out of your way with it, and don’t hold back. Don’t just list your favourite things you like to do or what you wear, that won’t reveal any information about your soul, not even to your soul mate. Do the best you can to be a genuine you, and fear not, if someone ridicules you for it, fuck ‘em. In the end you might have the last laugh after they’ve gotten divorced 3 times and you’re blissfully in love with your wife or husband. Love comes to those who are brave enough to go after it with all that they’ve got, and if you’re not brave enough to do that, then you’re just going to have to get used to the idea that you’ll never find the one.
Remember while you write, that you are writing to the love of your life. He or she will not mock you for it, ever. They will embrace it, love it and print it out for the kids to read when they grow up. That piece of writing could be read out at your wedding, the magical piece that brought your love to you. Be an idiot if you must, there will be an other idiot just like you, who will sigh of relief when they read your add. They will go: “Finally, someone who will understand me, someone I can trust myself to be around. Someone I can relate to.” Having a fantastic job, Armani suit or Versace dress, cooking exotic food every night and surfing over weekends are not required to find love. Trust me, there will be someone just like you, looking for someone just like you.
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Very good advice. Too many people write profiles that are not them…and this leads to many surprises down the road when they start meeting up with people from the dating site. Then they play the “blame game” when thinsg don't seem to work out for them when it would if they were being themselves and truthful about their lives, jobs, expectations, ect.
I had this happen recently with a local guy who seemed good on profile but was truly only looking for a sex hookup and was a bit annoyed I wasn't when he asked me for one afetr I contacted him. According to his profile he was looking for a friendship leading to a relationship, like he was classy and expected manner sand class from others, like he enjoyed meeting people just to hang out, and it didn't mention a sex hook-up at all. It made his profile totally seem like a “bait and switch” when I actually communicated with him. He even seemed to try and pressure me through message to give up and just meet him for sex because I was “older” (37 years old..so old) so must be “lonely and desperate”…and this coming from a 35 year old man.
People need to be truthful about themselves and their expectations in a profile on a dating site. That way they can have a lot more success in finding what they are looking for and it would cut down on exchanges that lead to negative feelings.
Yeah, I don't understand that. If someone is after just sex, they should totally say so. I once replied to a guy who was blatantly looking to hook up only. I was in a phase of my life that I had no real qualms about meeting a hot police officer for a bit of fun and play, and that was exactly what we did for a couple of months, until I met someone I was actually interested in in a more deep level. Then I just texted him that heya mate, had fun, time to move on, good luck in the future. No mess, we both were on the same page and it worked beautifully. I don't think his add even had a photo on it, but I went on a date to decide if I wanted anything out of it. Quite honestly I'm not even sure he was actually a police man, but he certainly had the built for it and if he was or not didn't really matter in that situation.
The reason why I'm sharing this is that it really pays off to be honest. What ever you're after there'll be someone that will go for it. If he would have pretended to be after love and then ask me for sex, I would have just told him to go fuck himself, no chance in hell he would have succeeded. Or, if he would have then changed his mind and wanted a relationship, no way! That would have ended everything as well.
Tell you another example. I knew this super hot black boxer guy (in the real life), who I had drooled over for years. I finally hooked up with him once and then about a week later he texted me that he had computer problems and maybe I could help him with it. He opened the door in his underwear, and told me his computer was fine. I was so not in the mood because I had come over to fix his computer, not his other problems and I became very annoyed and told him that the next time he wants sex, just say so and I simply left. I never met him again and all his magic had disappeared.