Intimate O(pi)nions

Bad boys. Bad girls even… I think we’ve all been burned by one, or maybe five of them which is more accurate in my case. Sadly, I think I could have been classified as one myself, at least if I was a guy. But what is it about them that pull us in like that? Good looks without a doubt, a player has to have good looks. But then we have a lot of good looking guys and girls around who are not nearly as attractive as their less than perfect looking player counterparts, so it’s safe to say there’s more than looks involved.

Confidence is the key, right? They walk the walk and talk the talk. They KNOW they can have you any time they want, and they are not afraid to pull you in for a bit of fun. They don’t think about it as playing with your emotions, surely they know this is for fun only, I never promised you anything, right? We’re on the same page here, aren’t we?

I used to complain about guys falling in love so easily, you couldn’t spend time with them without having them eat out of your hand two hours later. At the same time I was complaining about those guys who you just couldn’t have – players. I never thought that maybe I was one, and the thought has never even occurred to me until now… Because players have something wrong with them, right? They are evil! I just… Had standards and had fun at the same time. I was looking for the right guy, just like they were looking for the right gal, and paths cross, paths separate, no biggie. So while to some I was irresistible, some were irresistible to me, and rarely the attraction was mutual – at least not in the same level. So I pined after guys who I now realize I didn’t even like that much. I liked the wrapping for sure (the looks) and some of the things they said – some more than others, some I would have rather gagged than listened to them, but still I thought they were the best thing since sliced bread!

So what is it that attracts us to these people we just can’t have? Sadly, I think it is our need for acceptance and stroking our own ego that makes us beg for their attention and love, while completely ignoring his more intelligent, more entertaining, more handsome and more emotionally balanced friend who would give you anything you wanted, if you just stopped begging for a second of the other guy’s precious time.

It is likely though that the players have a reason for their behaviour. It may come from a real trauma, or perhaps he has standards. Maybe he is after someone who will be loyal without a question, or maybe he has an ideal of love that you just can’t measure up to because it was too good… IE the Don Juan -syndrome. You know, he loved only one woman and while he couldn’t have her, he entertained himself with other women… Plenty of other women. (I totally know a real life Don Juan, but a lightning hasn’t sriken him dead yet.)

Usually you are wasting your time with players, we all know that, but it is too much fun to leave them alone and give up, right? It’s really not about the end goal, it’s the thrill of the chase, isn’t it, most of the time? It’s the validation we have when they give us one meaningful look, that is ten times more important to you than ten looks from another average guy.

It’s not only about the guy either. Have you noticed the competition effect? That’s what shows like Batchelor are based on. Put a group of women together with one guy, and even though not all of them wold be attracted to the one guy initially, they will be in a couple of days. It’s not about him, it’s about beating the other women in the game and getting a confirmation of your attraction. Once the competition is over, cameras are off… The attraction wears thin.

I’m not saying you shold stop the chase… It’s too much fun to stop! Just pay attention your motives, just out of curiosity.

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